You’ve reached the republican candidates issues hotline.

Press 1 to hear xenophobic immigrant bashing
Press 2 to hear made-up supply-side economics nonsense
Press 3 to hear anti-gun control hysteria, fake ‘good guy with a gun’ myths, and misinterpretations about the second amendment
Press 4 to hear out and out racism
Press 5 to hear code words that don’t sound racist, but are, such as ‘all lives matter’. Or ‘but I support Ben Carson’
Press 6 to hear talking points by the oil industry that ignore the established facts of global warming
Press 7 to hear fake Hillary Clinton scandals and lurid tales of erased emails with bonus conspiracy theories
Press 8 to hear how Kim Davis is a hero and how there is a war on Christmas and how the gays are taking over the entire world.

Press the star key at any time to hear how the Koch brothers have already bought the election and no campaign contributions are needed at this time

Press the pound key to return to this menu at any time

Press the pound and star keys together to return to a fictional time when all was right with America, and you could lynch who you wanted, discriminate against anyone slightly different then you, pollute the air and water to your heart’s content, have children die of preventable childhood diseases, smoke and drink until you drop dead, and otherwise worship the God of your choice as long as it was the choice of everyone else in the same community, all in the name of Jesus, who never said anything about healing the sick, taking care of the poor, or any of that socialist commie crap, and who spoke English, was white and built a wall to keep other people out.

(c) M. Skliar 2015-16